First let me address the cat, because otherwise you won't appreciate the depth/many layers of meaningful content that you've come to rely on finding when you do a Google search for "symptoms of DPD" and wind up here. You won't appreciate it because it's hard to appreciate things when you're busy thinking "It's so sad how she thinks she can paint cats but really she can't at all" or "That is revolting. Also offensive to cats everywhere."
I know it's a scary cat. And there was another creepy cat, and I paid a nice lady to paint them both on my fingers. Only, in my excitement re: Cats, I showed her several pictures in an effort to make it clear what I wanted. Because all of my efforts at clarity involve making things more complicated, re: Not Understanding What Clarity Is. And that plus a slight language barrier plus I was paying more attention to the slightly snowy Asian-language soap opera on the TV equaled before I knew it, the nice lady had spent quite some time on those creepy cat eyes because that's what she thought I wanted. She was very unsure about the whole thing, I could tell. But I didn't want to make her do it over again, because meh, and so I gave the cats a day to get less creepy and when they didn't I put them to bed forever. That was two weeks ago, and my nails are even longer now because all of a sudden long nails are something I think I want, and I think I'm ready to try again.
I guess I'm not going to address much more than the cat after all.
It is nice to not be running on next to no sleep all the time, and it's even nicer to leave for work at a time that is not basically the middle of the night. The sleep factor alone has done so much to improve… like, everything. I've also been drinking more water (still not enough, but more than before, which was none, I was pretty much squeezing water OUT of my body, like a sponge that I was playing a rousing game of "HOW DRY CAN I MAKE THIS SPONGE BE?" with, how many more commas can I put in here, ,,,,,,) and eating a little cleaner, so those things are also contributing to my not being so completely wretched. I do not know how I did what I was doing for as long as I did it. I'm glad I did, but I'm glad I'm not doing it anymore.
I just realized that there were too many things I was putting on hold for the sake of getting other things done "first." And I thought, well, Future Lindsay might appreciate some of the things, but she'll be pretty pissed off if she misses out on EVERY SINGLE OTHER thing in the meantime. And then that bitch Future Lindsay will probably find some new thing she has to do "first" and that'll piss off Future FUTURE Lindsay. And it will never end. And it will be terrible.
As terrible as snow in April. (This picture was taken at the end of March, but I said "April" instead for dramatic effect, because New England/being a wuss.)
Yes, I want to fill a lot of hours with a lot of activities. But I also want to get dressed up and go out to dinner and not fall asleep in my plate. I want to go to happy hour sometimes, and not have to be tucked in at the bar because happy hour is actually my bedtime. I want Time Off, not Breathers Snatched. And I need to fill some hours with no activities.
My timeline for getting done the things I want to get did is MY timeline, and nobody is really measuring it except for me. And when I think about how consciously I've made decisions in order to preserve the relative freedoms I have, it seems FUCKING goddamn silly to not enjoy them. I have to admit that it's extremely difficult to put the brakes on so, uh, screechingly in areas where I've been steadily gaining so much momentum lately. And it's an adjustment to go from a workplace where I knew everything and was the most best at all of it to a place where I am new, and learning, and have room to grow. (There might have been some room to grow where I was before, but if there was I couldn't find it because I zZzzz.)
This seemed like a good place to put another picture. I'm thinking of doing a hair tutorial for how to make your hair look not like shit for work after 1743 failed hair tutorials. Anyway, so. Here's to not running yourself ragged for no good reason. Here's to remembering how important it is to listen to that little voice inside (be careful though, it might just be the creepy little cats on your nails - they have very similar voices.) Here's to knowing your own limits, and respecting yourself enough to honor them. Here's to measuring your life by your own yardstick (give everyone else their yardstick back, seriously.) Here's to framing your life however the hell you want to.
And here's to paying too much for drinks at clubs that won't even pony up for a real sign. Just kidding, do not cheers to that ever. Reverse cheers. Sreehc. But cheers to having the energy to go to them when your cute boyfriend wants to, even if you are only in it for the lollipops.
And speaking of, cheers to the life partners who are sometimes annoying but are most of the times busy making you elaborate dinners and lunches to take to work every day that make all your coworkers jealous but also make them fascinated at the seemingly endless supply of kale in your refrigerator. And other of the times they are just being cute and scratching your head until you go to sleep and writing you cute notes and having cute faces and toes. The life partners, not the coworkers. Sentence structure got a little weird there, thanks for sticking around.
Also, when did this turn into a toast? And why the transition from "here's" to "cheers"?
Anyway, I'd quit all the jobs and the schools and the cities in favor of wandering around for the rest of forever with you. Because even when I'm talking to somebody else, I'm still really talking to you.
MAYBE THERE COULD BE A PICTURE WITH BOTH OUR FACES IN IT IF YOU DIDN'T DELETE ALL OF THEM.
