It’s taken almost ten months but I’ve finally nailed down my lunchtime salad delivery. It brings me an immeasurable amount of peace to know that even if everything else is stupid, I can click a button and twenty minutes later a lovely little man will bring me a Cobb salad topped with fried wontons and the exact perfect amount of dressing. If you’re thinking that fried wontons defeat the purpose of eating salad, my advice to you is to adjust your thinking. For peace’s sake.

The reason I am ordering lunch (again) today is not, unfortunately, that I have suddenly become very wealthy. It’s because I got so preoccupied ordering Thanksgiving-related groceries that I forgot that there are actually six other days in the week and that I might like to eat on one or more of those days, too. Also I hemmed and hawed over the stuff in my cart for too long so while I was dickering, French cut green beans went out of stock. So now I have to go to the real-life grocery store for non-holiday food to nourish myself with and for the holiday food that I couldn’t pay someone to bring to my house. (Please see: Have not suddenly become very wealthy.) I’m still Team Holidays though. Yesterday I watched a grown man belly laugh out loud, with his hand on his stomach and everything, while looking at the Christmas windows at Barney’s. There were also children laughing but one of the windows is of a South Park scene this year, and I strongly suspect that their laughing was in anticipation of some curse words. So they’re all on the naughty list and theirs is the laughter of Satan and definitely NOT Christmas-y. That’s what I told them, anyway, to get them to move out of the way so that my belly and I had room to stand in the window. (There weren’t any curse words, which was disappointing, but I'm holding out hope that the Macy's windows will be good for an expletive or two.)