i must be what i must be and face tomorrow

This is what I'm wearing today. It might get all the way up to 60 this afternoon
and I might wish I'd worn a dress, but no I will not because one can always remove clothes.
It's much worse to be cold and not have more clothes to put on.

Can we talk about Forever21 for a minute? GREAT.

I'm pretty sure I've said this a million times before but I get 95% of my clothing from Goodwill. Usually I buy shoes new (not because I'm opposed to second-hand shoes, but because there aren't ever any non-disgusting ones in my size) and obviously I have my underwear custom-made for me. Or if my tailor is booked I buy it at Target. (DIGRESSION: Once I had a boyfriend who offered to buy me clothes when he found out I shopped almost exclusively at Goodwill. I laughed for a long time but I did let him buy me a lot of food. Also once right after I moved to Brooklyn and he'd come to visit, he left piles of quarters around my bedroom "accidentally." Basically he didn't understand anything about my whole entire life. He was very nice though, and a very safe driver, and he loves his mom a lot but not too much, and he built his own house, so if any of you ladies are in the market for a twenty-six-year-old malething to make a baby with I will try and set it up.)

I know I said I wanted to talk about Forever21 and then I didn't. But I'm going to. Right now.

I have vague moral questions about shopping at big box chain stores or whatever it is they're called, but as I think I illustrate here pretty regularly, I don't know shit about shit and so, whatever. As far as I'm aware they're not clubbing baby seals in the warehouse, and also I think the economy is made out of make-believe anyway, and also other things. My objection to Forever21 is not that. But first I have a question: How many of you actually go inside an actual Forever21 to purchase clothes? Do you mainly just use the website, or do you like physically going in there and shopping?

Because I get panic attacks even walking by a Forever21. Well no, that's a lie. I see one and go, "Ooh! There are things that are pretty inside of there" but then the minute I step inside I remember that I hate everything about being alive and having senses. Because the music is always louder than my thoughts are and I always feel like the other customers are shopping with a purpose and know where stuff is and I'm always bumping into someone and crying because I just need the cardigan section, please. Where is the cardigan section? And the dressing rooms are always ROASTING and it stresses me out that the dividers are made out of fabric and I'm afraid I'm going to fall over sideways (a reasonable fear if you are me) and rip everything down. This past weekend I was like two hours early to meet my life partner in Union Square, so I went into Forever21 because I sort of wanted something a little scandalous to wear out. I'll give you a minute to disapprove. Okay. So all of the things I just described went on, plus I had my bags with me so I was in extra-strong knocking-stuff-over mode. Plus all of the girls working that day had on crop tops and I am always fascinated by girls who look good in crop tops because that will be me never, as long as Cheetos keep being a thing, and so in my wild-eyed/distracted/overstimulated state I bought this dress (WITH ALL OF THE DOLLARS I DEFINITELY HAVE):

Only in pink. So anyone who's ever bought a dress at this establishment understands that the models are aliens and in real life nowhere near that much leg is covered. This is not news. This is like, Forever21 101. Well I failed. I really do not know what drove me to take it home, except that if you ignored the fact that you could see my uterus it really was a very pretty dress. And my uterus and I looked AMAZING in it, I'm just saying. So whatever, my misgivings started as soon as I walked out clutching the tiny yellow bag and by that night I was 99% sure that that purchase wasn't the best idea I ever had. And I have had some shockingly bad ideas. So I tried it on again and it was unanimously decided that it looked good, but in a weird Barbie kind of way because I was too worried about shortness to do anything except for stand very still. So I thought, maybe if I size up it'll be longer, so I had my mini friend from a previous SFW post try it on so I could see what it was supposed to look like. AND IT LOOKED AMAZING ON HER. So I killed her. And then the next morning I took it back but of course the next size up was not only way too big but somehow still way too short. So I gave up and just got yet another black polka-dot dress (that actually fits like a dress and not like a necklace) to add to my rapidly-growing collection, plus a ring that I think I already lost. And then the gent at the register said I still had a few dollars of credit left, and I must have looked dismayed/nauseated at the thought of going back out onto the floor to find something else for two dollars, because he pulled out the mustache tote and my dismay evaporated.

So all of this rambling was really just a way to tell you that I did not mean for that mustache tote to come into my life, but it did. Which further cements my sort-of belief that everything happens for a reason, sometimes. Just like when you get ladybrain about one person, which turns out to be a good thing, because if that never happened you wouldn't have met this much better person, only now you kind of feel like you're on the verge of throwing up all the time because you haven't felt feelings in a while and it is shocking to the system. IT'S BEEN A LOT OF HOURS WHY HASN'T HE TEXTED. Why am I thirteen. Why. Why. Also thank goddess texting wasn't a thing yet when I really was thirteen because, because.

Remember yesterday when I said I'd participate in the last day of SFW if I had my life together enough? Well, my life is not together but instead of doing something about that I am writing long rambley blogs about I already forgot what. Sometimes I think blogging is just one giant displacement activity for me, which would explain why I am almost never talking about anything.

Linking up with Delirious Rhapsody! Sorry I tricked you guys into thinking this was a post about clothes. Don't be mad! I can change!