guest post: fourteen-year-old Lindsay

This is obnoxiously long so if you want you can scroll down to the bottom and just read that part. Although that part's just about as meaningful/interesting/relevant as the rest. Actually why are you even here? Just skip it. Go enjoy your coffee/morning gin.

December 10, 2002

I've been sick for a few days (today's Wednesday). On Monday when I stayed home from school I went crazy pretty much and I was lying there in bed thinking about all the bad/embarrassing things that have ever happened to me. Then I told my mother (very calmly) that I was going to kill myself. My mom told me to take an advil. grr.

I think EP might like me, but I'm not sure. I really like N


December 16, 2002

I never finished that entry! hehe. I was on the bus, and Kayla kept talking to me and I couldn't write. Well, now it's Monday night and I'm alone in my room, so there's nobody to bug me. I really do think EP likes me. There's actually two Es in my class. One is EF, who has orange hair and really big muscles and he's really annoying. (The other day he started humping the desk in front of mine so I kicked it right into his crotch. Boys need to keep their hormones in check, and out of my foot's way!) Anyway he's icky. EP is kind of chubby but not really fat and he's really smart (like ♥N♥) but he's cool and dresses like a skater. Even though I adore ♥N♥ it's nice having someone like you. I'll try and be nicer to him.

I CANNOT STAND MOM! She's so UGH. Tonight we had Chinese food for dinner and I loathe Chinese food so I had a sandwich. That was the first thing that made her all pissy. Then I was telling them how I plan on marrying a bazillionare and then slowly killing him with arsenic so it looks like he died of pnemonia. She got super-pissed and told me to go to my room.

Boston Public is on now. Shit, and I'm stuck in my room. Poop. Now I'm pissed off at my ugly stupid mom and I can't watch my favorite show. I hate that she can piss me off so well. I also hate that she feels it's perfectly okay to discuss her sex life with Dad at dinner and I can't talk about rat poison.

Toodles!

PS Today when I was coming up from Spanish N was right in front of me & Jocelin on the stairs. We were really giggly so I told N that his shoelaces were undone and that it was a safety hazard and he laughed! Then he dropped his notebook and I picked it up and gave it to him, laughing, and he was red. Then he dropped the rest of his books and we picked them up and I ran to class. I ♥ N!!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ Lindsay


December 24, 2002

Christmas Eve! Tracy and Jamie left a while ago. They gave me a kit for making my own jewelry. We also each opened a present, and I got a blow-up chair.

Timmi is in a sleeping bag on my floor. He's harassing my cat.

C wished me Merry Christmas today. I told him I asked Santa for a pony.

I don't think I wrote this yet: On Friday I left my reindeer on the bus and C brought it to my house.

Shit. I think I'm in love again.

♥ Lindsay

PS X-Mas countdown: 2-morrow!


January 31, 2003

I have SUCH problems. On the bus this morning I was thinking about Justin and looking at him and I really liked him. Then in gym I was sitting on the bleachers with Jill and Jenna and all them and we were watching the boys warm up. I was mainly just watching N and then I saw Justin and I was like "Ummm N is SO better than Justin" but I didn't say it I just felt it. [...]

Anyway. But then after school I was coming out the doors to the buses, and I just noticed that Justin was standing by a bus about three away from ours. He was waving to people but not talking. So then I started walking past him and I said "Ya know, our bus is right there," and he started walking next to me (!!!) and talking to me and I liked him all over again. But I'm keeping this crush a secret until I figure it out for myself.

♥Lindsay


April 21, 2003

Buenos noches! (tardes? neh.) I got a mouse for Easter. He really smells though so I put him in the empty kitchen. Barney really likes him. Justin and EP... ahh. Here's my percents: Justin - 70%, EP - 29%, MS - (short funny redhead) 1%. Glad THAT'S all sorted out.

I've decided to try to find my inner peace.

Things to Do for my Well-Being!

1) Really do yoga and stick to it this time.
2) Run every morning.
3) Become a vegetarian.
4) Brush my teeth with baking soda.
5) Meditate every night for a few minutes.
6) Not let assholes piss me the fuck off.
7) Stop swearing.
8) Stop falling so crazy-in-love.
9) Still hope that someone will fall crazy-in-love back.
10) Love myself & others.

Oh my gawd. I have a serious crush on Justin. Yesterday I talked to him the whole bus ride home. Then for the past few days we've been talking a lot in school, too. On the bus he was talking about how he had to make all new friends this year and how the people that weren't his friends he just hated. So I go "Am I your friend?" and he goes "Well, I don't HATE you... so yes, I guess so." And then I said I was honored and he said "Most people are." and laughed. tee hee


♥ Lindsay


April 23, 2003

Madre lost her necklace thing and she thinks I took it. How rude.

Anyway. All day yesterday my percents kept changing and Taryn was like "Lindsay! I'm going to kill you! Make up your mind!" hehe. Anyway now my percents are like this:

MS: 49.5%***
Justin: 49.5%***
EP: 1%***

As you can see, EP has dropped waaaaaaay down. What happened, you ask? hehehehehehehehehe. Well, I'll tell you. Just leave 1 million dollars in small bills under... never mind.

Matt (the creepy one who, for some reason, is in love with me) told me a few weeks ago that no one at that lunch table liked MS and they only pretended to be his friend. He said that they don't like him because he's annoying. (I don't think MS is annoying.) Maybe it's because he always has a joke and a witty remark... aahe cough. hm. Anyway. So yesterday they told MS that they hated him and that they didn't want him to sit with them anymore. In Spanish he seemed fine but at the end of class he told me about what happened and I'm sooooo sad b/c he's sad. I didn't realize EP was such a jerk. But he's still 1% because I can't help it. Alright, I gotta go...

♥Lindsay

Today

I have a math test in three hours. Incidentally, it is basically the same math I was supposed to have been learning in eighth grade.

***But as you can see, in eighth grade I was far too busy managing my elaborately constructed fantasy life to bother with things like math class. Math class was for people who weren't maneuvering a vast and plentiful[ly imaginative] love life.

And just so you all know? Because you are DYING to know? NOT ONE THING HAS CHANGED. (Except for Boston Public being my favorite show. Actually that wasn't even true then. I just needed to emphasize how unjustly I was treated by my ugly stupid mom.) Instead of practicing the square root method, or whatever, I am thinking about nice things a boything has been saying/doing/being and smiling creepily into space and probably making everybody in here nervous.

Isn't it the best when really, reallyreallyreally great weekends leak into the rest of your week? Besides the part about it being Tuesday and your legs still hurt from busting so many sweet moves on dance floors. JUST KIDDING that part is great too. Obviously.