I have an awkwardly timed break between classes on two days this semester. Not enough time to leave campus, not enough time to get any real sort of work done, but definitely more time than it takes to eat a snack (or two or ten). It's awkward because it's at a time when no one else I know is really around, and I'm too much of a lazy asshole to make new friends just to fill in this gap in my schedule.
So. Here. We. Are.
Two things:
1. Awkward Crush, version 978. I am in like with my math professor. When I am eighty-nine and realize I forgot to ever get married, please remind me that it's because I used up my childbearing years being attracted to potential partners that were about as appropriate as tree stumps.
I would really like to describe my newest infatuation to you, but. In the VERY LIKELY event that he has fallen in love with me back, I don't want him to find this page in his googling of me and read this. Although I guess if he does that he can probably figure out who I'm talking about. Unless he assumes I'm taking more than one math class? And gets jealous of my other, fake, hotter instructor of numbers? No. Math professors are probably excellent deducers of things.
Please stop interrupting. So last class he started by saying, "So I'm allergic to cats." And my heart smashed into the floor immediately, because HOW WILL WE LIVE TOGETHER. How.
But then he told a cat story and showed us a bunch of pictures of his friend's cat, plus a cat video. And my heart jumped back up into my chest and I may or may not have whispered "I love you" accidentallyonpurpose. (I definitely did.)
He's sending me mixed messages. I think I will write to Cosmo, they will probably know what to do.
B. Speaking of Googling me, don't. I got tricked into writing a blog for a company I worked for that will remain nameless, and I always forget it's there and it always is and I get SO MAD even though a healthier person would probably be over this by now. If you disregard my advice and do try to google me, which I don't think most of you even can because you don't know my whole name so HA, you will find this. It was good when I wrote it, because and mostly only because it was written before I threw up some kool-aid and remembered I didn't hate myself. But then it was edited in true company-that-is-remaining-nameless fashion and then published without my okay. I sort of expected them to water down my hilariousness because of reasons, but what I did not expect was for them to EDIT IN ERRORS and then publish it in my name. And probably the worst part is that they kept in just enough of every thing that was meant to be funny to make me sound like the biggest [curse word] that ever [bleeped]. This is worse than the time I broke up with a boy in high school who shall also remain nameless (in this case because HE KNOWS WHO HE IS and will probably deny this) in a note (not my best moment, get off my back) and then he put the note in his AIM profile with errors that I DID NOT MAKE.
And now my break is over, and I feel productive, because at least now the internet knows that I mostly know where to put my apostrophes and where words go and how to spell them.
But I am not going to post this until tomorrow because I already posted something today and too many blogs in one day = no. Go ahead and add that to the list of things I care about that don't matter. Also I want you to think I am too immersed in my classwork to pay attention to you, Spouting Violets. I need to practice playing hard to get in case I need to do it with my professor. (Ah ha. "Do it" with my professor.)
