So many people, bloggers especially, insist on their own awkwardness.
And I'm not saying I don't believe you (...) but I am saying
that there's "Oh lolz that was awkward" and then there's punch-you-in-the-gut,
keep-you-awake-at-night, soul-cringing awkward. There's funny awkward
[Insert screenshot of any face made on The Office ever here], yeah. Which
makes it worth it to be truly awkward because you get to experience/
are able to appreciate things that so many people don't even notice which is stupid
of them because awkwardness is way better/way cheaper than most other activities.
And of course what 'awkward' even means depends on the lens it's being viewed through,
which is why some people can walk around naked and give other people hugs
even though the other people are fully clothed and are trying to do something.
It's also why some things that are so easy and notathing to most people are so hard for some people.
Also because culture.
The point of this is that this morning I went up to look at the roof
and drink coffee and enjoy the neighborhood like a bird would
if birds stood on roofs and drank coffee and shivered a little and at first I thought
I should put a brick to stop the door from closing and even picked up the brick
but then something short-circuited in my brain wires and I put down the brick
and shut the door. And then I stood out there for some minutes and then I went to
go back inside but of course I couldn't get the door open. So I remembered
that M had said, Oh, something something, fire escapes, I guess I didn't really
remember what she said that well after all but I looked down and thought I could
probably get to the ground via the fire escape. But it turns out I could not
and the reason I know I could not is because I tried it. And on my way back up
there was a young shirtless man looking confusedly out at me.
And it was not like Breakfast at Tiffany's in the least, mainly because I didn't
have a musical instrument but also because I was wearing pajamas
and some eyeliner that I didn't wash all the way off last night.
I think it was the guy who lives across the hall but I'm not very good at geography,
in any case I might just knock and see if it is him and explain that I wasn't peeking
but that I am just kind of stupid.
I have a kind-of interview later on and I am hoping this means
that my awkwardness quota has been filled for the day.
