This blog has Christmas stuff in it. Because a girl only has so many things in drafts.
1. So I know that many of you think of me as, let's say, a role model. A woman of impeccable taste and astounding wit, a woman with an uproarious sense of humor and a strict moral code. A real class act. And you are of course 199%
sure I am not the father correct. HOWEVER last night I went to finish my Christmas shopping. And spent twenty-two dollars on myself. And zero dollars on gifts for the people I love. But I'm sure St Peter will understand that I really needed a new wristlet. And that nail polish was on clearance.
Sparkly nail polish. I'M SORRY.
2. I had a class this semester with a boy who looks exactly like Mohinder from that show Heroes. (I watched the first couple seasons on Netflix a while back but it got super dumb. I hate when totally believable, real shows about superpowers become outlandish, don't you?)
 |
| (Google Images) |
Like I'm not even exaggerating. If anything I'm underaggerating. He was beautiful. And always in my group. And I loved him, obviously, even though he was twelve. Anyway I started thinking of him as "Mohinder" to the point where I forgot his actual name. And I kept almost calling him Mohinder out loud and catching myself at the veryveryvery last second. Well I made it all the way to the end of the course and then this morning I ran into him getting coffee, like actually physically ran into him, and I was so surprised I said "Oh, Mohinder!" Luckily he thought it was hilarious but OH MYLANTA.
3. Part of me really dreads the holidays. I like lights and songs and trees and I LOVE creepy little elves and dwarfs. And I love picking out and giving Christmas gifts, even though I really never want anything, and even though Christmas is really about love and goodwill toward men and food comas, not things, blahblah. And I haven't had a bad holiday in a lot of years. But even though I'm always surrounded with love, for some reason I get really sad around Christmas. And what I really want to do is be by myself. Which obviously would be the worst and I know that but the urge to just disappear
into my office to count my coins and kick at Tiny Tim into the forest for a few days is still there.
4.
I know, I know. Doesn't everybody. I have zero regrets, and I'm glad I made the choices I did because if I'd done things differently I wouldn't have half as many wonderful people in my life right now. And I wouldn't have had nearly as many or as meaningful memories filed away in my heart. And I wouldn't be in the place I am right now, which is a really, really wonderful place, even though I feel really, really insecure and unsure about it. All the time. Especially when I go to some group gathering and there are all these people around my age who look like grownups. And have grownup jobs and grownup apartments and grownup relationships. Salaries and real furniture and wedding plans. What. Recently I was at such a party and started talking to this guy, who I soon realized was one of these grownup people. And I was like, You're an
attorney already and I am just now getting down to this bachelor's degree business. (Not that a degree = adulthood. Not at all. You know what I mean though.) And it was clear that he was interested and I was interested back but in my head I'm going "Wait. Hold on. Let's just put this whole thing on pause while I get my life together real quick and then we can see about something maybe." And I wouldn't say that happens constantly because SHOCKINGLY I am not constantly being hit on (so weird, right) but often enough to make me wonder if I'm making up excuses on purpose. But look, I wouldn't date me right now. I'd take one look at me and run, because that's what I'm sure I look like. A fucking runner.
No wait. I'd totally make out with me first. Then I'd run.
