Who remembers that episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory gets in trouble at Yale for using the same material for two separate assignments in two separate classes? Poor, overworked Rory. I've never personally done that, mostly out of fear of getting in trouble but partly also because I am extremely ethical. Also hardworking. Also, you know, not a student at Yale. Actually no mostly it's just the getting in trouble thing. I'm the worst. Anyway I have another speech coming up and had a research paper due today so I figured I'd just do them both on the same topic. (I'm sure people do this all the time, but it really is kind of a big deal to me. I even feel like I shouldn't write about it here. It just seems so slimy! Make me feel better about this immediately.) Don't worry though, karma punished me for cheating (kind of! it's really only kind of cheating) by making this research as monstrous as possible. The sex industry is not pretty, folks. If you were unsure. I'm not hating on women (or men) who are prostituting themselves or even those that make porn or pose for smutty photos or anything like that. What I have a problem with is the violence in the sex industry, the ill-treatment of women, sex trafficking, and the social constructs that - for the women for whom it is in their minds a choice to partake in this industry - allow selling your body for sex to be a choice in the first place. Anyway. I handed the paper in this morning and honestly I'm glad to be rid of it. Here is what I wish I could have handed in:


"Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world."
1) Not a real argument, because 2) That's like observing that "The heater has been broken since we moved in." Just because it's been broken for a long time doesn't mean we shouldn't fix it. IT'S COLD, BRO. 3) Doing something for a long time makes it okay? You're totally right. By the way can you get your slave to run me over a cup of sugar later? You're the best. 4) Not a real argument. Next.

"Prostitution is going to happen anyway. We should tax it."
omfg. "The planet is going to explode anyway. We might as well pollute it." "I'm going to die eventually anyway. I might as well drink Drano."

"We should put a 'sin tax' on drugs, gambling and prostitution."
One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong.

"Blah blah blah tax it blah."
Aside from the fact that that would mean assigning a monetary value to sex acts/rights to a human body, how can you possibly know that the taxes brought in would make up for the cost of regulation?

"But it would make the prostitutes safer!"
Oh hi, person born yesterday! How are you enjoying your first day on Earth? When you've updated yourself on civilization, run right back and let me know how much faith you have that legalization would wrap a warm, protective blanket of policy around prostituted women.

And my personal favorite:  
"You can't tell people what to do with their own body. It's unconstitutional."
Dear sir, turn that noise right the fuck down. And do not turn it back up again until you have educated yourself enough to know what you're talking about.

I just realized how dirty his feet are. I promise I don't live in squalor.