Just squeezing in all the mirror pics we can before the mirror gets dirty, okay? Plus I want to remember what I was wearing today, The Day Our Boss Announced a 10% Pay Cut, known in some parts of the world as The Day Joe Did Most of the Elmo Alphabet Puzzle By Herself, also fondly referred to by many as The Day My Grocery Delivery Had Everything I Actually Ordered Which Was Really Awesome.
~
"It had not been all suffering and horror.
Life is never only one thing."
From "Kingdom of Gods" by N.K. Jemisin who I swear to goodness if someone I know doesn't start reading so we can discuss her brilliance in great depth and detail I will THROW UP.
This house has been on fire. At the moment the flames happened to have burst through the doors of those of us who have been pretending that our eyes aren't burning from the smoke, or from those of us who have been putting damp towels underneath the doors and pretending like nothing is burning, or from those of us who, you know, pour gasoline on the thing. "Oh yeah you know, now that you mention it, it is really unbearably hot in here isn't it. Huh." And there's that one guy leaning against the basement door that's already got chains and padlocks on it a la Saturday morning cartoons starring rascally rabbits saying "BUT WHY DON'T THEY JUST GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT I DON'T UNDERSTAND." This house sucks and I'm glad it's on fire but I say that from a place of extreme privilege, a place where the worst thing that's happened to me since March is that I've had to manage working a full-time job from home while hanging out with my cutie cute cute lady baby who is so, so cute.
There's nothing I love more than a good long gaze at my own navel, as you all know (and love, or hate enough to be interested otherwise you wouldn't be reading this drivel) so here goes: I'm not black. I'm sure as shit not at any protests right now, no matter how much I support the spirit. All I am is filled with white-hot rage that we live in a world where humans rob and rape and straight-up murder other humans because they know they can get away with it.
My desires for safety and comfort conflict with my desire to torch it all. Just, god, just burn it all down and start over. Me and my chubby legs wouldn't survive ten minutes post-apocalypse, though. And I haven't played all the Sims that I want to play in this life. And then also, it's not all shitty. Humanity I mean. I don't know if it's okay to say that right now, I'm actually almost positive that it isn't okay to say that right now, but in order for me to not lose my mind I need to remember that it's not all shitty. And that, personally, is what I'm pulling for - the non-shitty parts of this world we've built.
I guess what all this wine-fueled rambling is getting at is that all I can do right now is read books and examine my own racism and sort of start mapping out a specific plan for how to raise my daughter to be decent and kind. It doesn't feel like "enough" because it isn't, but if a million people who otherwise feel powerless to effect change did it too then maybe it might make a dent. So what's my point? I don't know. I don't know if I ever knew. I think I always start these things and then sort of hope they turn into something.
That's two Office references now, for anyone who's keeping track.
Life is never only one thing."
From "Kingdom of Gods" by N.K. Jemisin who I swear to goodness if someone I know doesn't start reading so we can discuss her brilliance in great depth and detail I will THROW UP.
~
This house has been on fire. At the moment the flames happened to have burst through the doors of those of us who have been pretending that our eyes aren't burning from the smoke, or from those of us who have been putting damp towels underneath the doors and pretending like nothing is burning, or from those of us who, you know, pour gasoline on the thing. "Oh yeah you know, now that you mention it, it is really unbearably hot in here isn't it. Huh." And there's that one guy leaning against the basement door that's already got chains and padlocks on it a la Saturday morning cartoons starring rascally rabbits saying "BUT WHY DON'T THEY JUST GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT I DON'T UNDERSTAND." This house sucks and I'm glad it's on fire but I say that from a place of extreme privilege, a place where the worst thing that's happened to me since March is that I've had to manage working a full-time job from home while hanging out with my cutie cute cute lady baby who is so, so cute.
There's nothing I love more than a good long gaze at my own navel, as you all know (and love, or hate enough to be interested otherwise you wouldn't be reading this drivel) so here goes: I'm not black. I'm sure as shit not at any protests right now, no matter how much I support the spirit. All I am is filled with white-hot rage that we live in a world where humans rob and rape and straight-up murder other humans because they know they can get away with it.
My desires for safety and comfort conflict with my desire to torch it all. Just, god, just burn it all down and start over. Me and my chubby legs wouldn't survive ten minutes post-apocalypse, though. And I haven't played all the Sims that I want to play in this life. And then also, it's not all shitty. Humanity I mean. I don't know if it's okay to say that right now, I'm actually almost positive that it isn't okay to say that right now, but in order for me to not lose my mind I need to remember that it's not all shitty. And that, personally, is what I'm pulling for - the non-shitty parts of this world we've built.
I guess what all this wine-fueled rambling is getting at is that all I can do right now is read books and examine my own racism and sort of start mapping out a specific plan for how to raise my daughter to be decent and kind. It doesn't feel like "enough" because it isn't, but if a million people who otherwise feel powerless to effect change did it too then maybe it might make a dent. So what's my point? I don't know. I don't know if I ever knew. I think I always start these things and then sort of hope they turn into something.
That's two Office references now, for anyone who's keeping track.
