“I want to infect you with the tremendous excitement of living,

because I believe that you have the strength to bear it.”

TENNESSEE WILLIAMS, THE SELECTED LETTERS 1920 - 1945

sunday confessions

[linking up with becky if she posts this week!]

I was kind of a weenie,

Monday was a perfect fall day, weather-wise. It was so nice and golden and crispy that when I stepped outside to get lunch I thought this exact thought: “Goodness, what a perfect fall day!” And then I smiled and took a deep breath and cozied up inside my cardigan and headed down the street. Then the universe said, “EW UGH YOU’RE BEING SUCH A WEENIE” and a crunchy yellow leaf swooped down and stabbed me in the eye.

I engaged in some retail therapy,


I used my eye wound to justify a shopping spree at Rite Aid. If you’re wondering what my version of a “shopping spree” is: One (1) face wash, one (1) bag of cotton balls, one (1) bottle of witch hazel, and one (1) moisturizer. Honestly so indulgent.

and my apartment was a mess all week.

Our landlords are a trio of brothers (not triplets and not, to my knowledge, a “thruple” – good thing I had the foresight to give that a quick google) that live below us with their parents. Recently they’ve been in and out of our apartment because they’re winterizing the roof and the only access is in one of our closets. It’s been a thrilling week of taking everything out of the closet, waiting for them to be finished, and then putting everything back into the closet. So fun.

Just kidding I hate it. Last night (I’m writing this on Thursday) we decided to just leave everything out because they need to come back again with a roofer and it seems silly to keep taking coats and storage containers in and out. Especially if we aren't going to film it all and then play it back very fast with a silly song playing.

Before I realized that all of this roof-related activity would take place this week, I’d planned on getting a few projects done around the house (hang different curtains in the entryway, put up a coat rack, clean the carpet, things like that) so I ordered a few things (curtains, curtain rods, a coat rack, carpet cleaner, things like that) and so in addition to winter coats and cat carriers and Christmas decorations we’ve also been stepping around cardboard boxes filled with Things.

I just close my eyes and imagine that everything is put away and hum “A dream is a wish the heart makes when it’s trapped in a nightmare…”

The brothers are lovely and entertaining, though. It’s interesting to interact with people who are as awkward as I am but in slightly different ways.

A text conversation with one of them:

After reading the exchange aloud to a coworker, I said "He's very nice but a little odd." And she said, "He's probably reading this to one of his coworkers and saying the same thing about you." I really hope that's what happened.

Then one night I got home and they had already been working for a little while. I went to heat up Baby Joe's dinner noticed that Griffon was in the kitchen with one of the brothers. I said "Oh he's out here with you! Usually he runs and hides under the bed when people come over." To which the brother replied, "Oh yeah we've been hanging around for about an hour! He recommended some latte art classes." 

It's this vague, barely-funny sort of humor that I so, so enjoy. Mm. 

Happy last week of October! 

"It is sometimes a sad life and it is a long life. 
You will feel a deep longing for something you can't quite remember. 

It will be a beautiful visit...

... this will bring me great comfort in the days ahead." 

DON HERTZFELDT, WORLD OF TOMORROW 

Once when I was waiting for Diego to be ready to leave work so that we could get on with our Saturday (ie, waiting for him and Zoe to finish playing “Baby Barista” and other fun games for children that involve hot milk and steam and labor violations) a woman asked me how I raised a baby in the city. She was sitting at the table next to mine and had already told me all about how she was visiting from Somewhere and had a daughter who was An Age and at the time I sighed inwardly and wished I didn’t have the kind of face that makes people want to talk to it and thought, “I don’t know, I’ve never done it anywhere else, idiot.” In retrospect she was a perfectly nice lady and was probably just bored waiting for someone to come out of the bathroom and I should be nicer or try to appear less interested, one of the two. (The second one, though.)

[Diego manages a café in midtown, I guess is relevant background information that may help those of you who struggle with context clues as much as I struggle with telling a cohesive story.]

You know what though, Past Lindsay, you need to calm down and not have rude thoughts about that lady’s chit chat questions because I (you) (I?) wonder “how” people “do” things, too. Like all the time. Only instead of asking those people how they do those things, you read their blogs or listen to their podcasts or watch their videos or sneak into their basements and stand quietly next to vents so that I (you?) can listen in. And her question wasn’t dumb; she probably meant like, how do you get anything done without a car to throw all the baby flotsam into? (On my end, I have questions for parents of babies with cars. Such as, how were you awake enough to operate a motor vehicle in those first few months? You drove yourself to the doctor/market/liquor store? How in the ever-loving fudge do you make it to any destination with a screaming child two feet away from you in a tin can? You have another space to keep clean!? In addition to your home!?) 

I myself am interested in what other people’s daily routines are, particularly (these days) other parents. What’s the first thing you do in the morning? What does your kid do while you do that? What do you do next? What things are clean? What do you clean the things with? How do you organize those other things? Do you ever just lie on the play mat with your eyes closed and let the kids and cats crawl all over you and pretend you’re at a fancy resort? Etc. And if those daily routines are neatly encapsulated in a blog post or a video that I am not required to have a conversation with, EVEN BETTER!

In case you haven’t noticed I’ve been bLoGigiNggG again. It’s free and I already know how to do it and there aren’t any needles or strings involved which makes it the perfect hobby given that I am surrounded by small curious persons and cats. I figure if I start writing posts about some of the Things that make my Life Easier, I will A) Have things to write posts about and B) I can say “Oh, just visit my blog, HTTP:!;CREEDTHOUGHTS.INTERNET!” the next time a stranger asks, “How do you do it?” (because I am glamorous and impressive and many strangers ask me that). Also in seriousness, I'm making a real effort to be consciously appreciative of good fortune; I think that describing the way I utilize some of the resources I'm privileged enough to have access to will be a meaningful exercise for me.

Stay tuned for fUn!

currently

Drinking coffee out of a Dunkin Donuts cup. There are a lot of things wrong with this picture; for one thing, there are perfectly good coffee makers in both my home and work kitchens so there’s no reason for me to buy a cup. However the lid of the Contigo tumbler I’ve been using came apart and no matter how many times I watch the nice man on Youtube put his springs back together I can’t get mine reassembled. To be fair to both Contigo and the Youtube man’s video tutorial, I have yet to attempt reassembly without a spirited almost-fourteen-month-old trying to eat said springs. Another thing wrong with this picture is that I’m 96% sure the Dunkin Donuts lady purposely shuts her ears when I tell her how many Splenda I want. This is the same DD lady that hopefully asked “Decaf?” every morning I walked in there pregnant. Everyone I tell about her (and I tell a lot of people about her) (I almost never stop talking about the woman who manages the Dunkin Donuts under the train) is offended at her behavior but I like her a lot. Sometimes stray gentlemen of the transient persuasion get in arguments at this DD and she always peacefully makes everyone happy again and I sincerely doubt that’s in her job description. Plus she gives Zoodle donut holes.

Procrastinating scheduling appointments for all of the creatures. Cat ones and baby ones and Lindsay ones. Mostly the cat ones though; much like our couch, getting Griffon out of the apartment will require some sort of black magic so I’ve got to either dust off the old Book of Spells or get an appointment with the vet that makes house calls. I wonder if the vet does well child visits. And dental surgery. It’d be great to get it all done in one shot. Also procrastinating work. See: This.

Enjoying fall, and being a mommy, and being a mommy in the fall. Fall fall mommy mommy fall. #fall. I’m wearing flannel and kicking crunchy leaves and melting/drinking/burning all the spiced cider pumpkin scented everything because I don’t have a newborn anymore and I am awake to enjoy it all and it is glorious. GLORY. US. Last autumn I was thankful for my healthy baby and for everything good in life that allowed me to stay home with her through the season. This year I’m thankful for full nights of sleep and little bits of time to myself, two things I would do terrible things to get. The older zoodle boodle gets, the more fun things we can do with her, and I’m just so thrilled to have my tiny little buddy to do All the Fall Activities With. And then All the Christmas Ones. And All The Activities For Forever or until she stops wanting to hang out with me as much, which is hopefully when she’s 100 and I’m a ghost.

Drinking lemon ginger tea with honey now because I started this at 7AM and now it’s after 12. And my throat hurts. #fall.

NOT eating the entire bowl of Halloween candy that’s five feet away from me. Not today. I’m not. I won’t. (On Friday I invented a hybrid Snickers/Reese’s candy bar by putting both into my mouth at the same time and then I rode that sad, sad wave all the way into Sunday night and now I have to live with the very unfortunate consequences of my actions AKA if I unbutton this flannel everyone’s going to think I’m knocked up again.)

Reading my tattered copy of Handmaid’s Tale again before I start The Testaments, which I purchased practically before it was written and now am unsure of why I rushed when by the time I actually get around to reading it I’ll surely be able to find it for $1 at any thrift store.

Listening to positive affirmations in the morning instead of podcasts about substance abuse and murder. Unless there’s a really good episode I want to finish, which is mostly. I’ll let you know if it changes my life.

Realizing that I am boring myself and bowing gracefully out.

This Week:

- Put Baby Joe's 18-month clothes into her drawers instead of living out of plastic tubs so I don't have to tell the ER doctor that my daughter fell off a literal mountain of my own poor housekeeping:

Edit: I actually did this last night PLUS ALSO put up alphabet wall stickers I found at Dollar Tree. 

- Get a pedicure so that the summer gets scraped off of my toesies before I jam them into boots for the winter.

- Meal plan so we can eat.

Another edit: I did this an hour ago, PLUS ALSO ordered groceries, PLUS ALSO last night I printed out and laminated a menu for the fridge AND PLUS IN ADDITION TO THOSE ALSOS I've been using Dollar Tree bins to organize ingredients for meals so it's easier to make dinner when I get home from work. THANKS DOLLAR TREE PLS SEND COUPONS. 

This Month:

- Go on a date. 

- Put together Halloween costumes.

- Bake something.

This Season:

- Start thinking about how to redecorate the living room because as soon as we can deconstruct Baby Jail it's time to replace the IKEA couch and carpet that have seen us through three cats, a move and a maternity leave.

- Plan summer vacation because I'm rich and go on a lot of vacations and buy a lot of couches.

- Read three (3) books. COME ON.