I’m having a nice morning, besides being in an argument with Diego. He made me mad the other day and I annoyed him about it this morning and he (quite rudely) told me that I was being annoying and he went back to bed and I finished my oatmeal and left for work. The other thing that’s happening with us is that he gave me a pretty diamond ring so that people know we’re going to get married. I feel like the argument story sort of tempers the engagement story, which makes it a more comfortable thing for me to share. Listen – I like pretty dresses and sparkly rings and drinking, okay? So have your weddings. Really. I like them. I like you. But I want to die, a little you know?, when I think about having my own. We’ll be at city hall sometime over the next year, with a photographer (because I’m going to look amazing) and a bottle of champagne and then we’ll probably eat a fancy dinner and do something fun with two of our closest (only) friends.

Listen to this too, if you’re Diego (if you’re not you can listen, too, I mean I’m speaking pretty loudly how could you not):
I want to argue with you until one of us is dead.
/vows

While we’re on the topic of significant others, Arwen won’t eat the all-natural, all-organic, made-by-fairies-in-the-forest-especially-for-geriatric-cats-with-bad-attitudes food that I sacrificed six pedicures and twelve bottles of wine to pay for (two bottles of wine per pedicure, for those of you struggling with the math), she just looks at it and then at me like I’m her grandmother and she’s Cathy Dollanganger. She was marginally happier with me when I caved and started giving her ashes and the bones of other cats (that’s what Friskies is made out of, yeah?) because it’s what I know she’ll eat, but the guilt/worry is MADDENING. Also, when I googled “what is the best cat food” I was told by Google that I shouldn’t be giving her dry food at all. WHAT. I thought that cleaned their little cat teeth? Another wrong thing I am doing, apparently, is mixing her thyroid medication into Fancy Feast. Apparently that’s terrible, too. Everything is terrible. Anyway, other cat humans, please tell me what to do.