Last year I abstained

this year I devour

without guilt

which is also an art.

M. ATWOOD

If I don't save any money this year, it's because within the first ten days of 2017 I had to stop payment on a check (WHY DOES THAT COST $31 AMERICA) and have my birth certificate overnighted to me ($47 WHAT WORLD IS THIS) and several other things that I cannot remember right now because that part of my brain was lost when it set itself on fire with its own rage. The only reason I remember the first two things/my motor skills are still mostly intact is that throughout it all I have been getting my drinking and shower water out of taps and sleeping in a home where the only thing I have to worry about is what time my upstairs neighbors are going to watch their two-hour long television show that they MUST have their television turned ALL the way up for the duration of. Those things, and also the fact that I at least have the money to cover most of these unexpected costs, are helping me to not complain in real life.

Also that's what the internet is for. Complaining on.

Speaking of saving money, I bought this slippery strapless bra thing to wear with the two new dresses I also bought myself for my birthday celebrations and something about the stickiness of the silicon makes me feel so... ladylike, and mature. This is my year, guys. I can feel it.

IS THIS HOW YOU POKÉMON GO. AM I DOING IT.