oh but you, you remain ageless

We are supposed to wear masks whenever we are out and there's a chance we'll come within six feet of another person. So... always. Tiny children are exempt from this rule, I think officially because of suffocation risks or something but probably it has more to do with the fact that no force - no virus, no government- is a match for the will of a small child who doesn't want to do or wear something.

As any learned doctor will tell you, movement is very important for good poops and good moods. (Can't really have a good mood without a good poop either, am I right?) (I reserve the right to discuss poop as much as I want to because I have been quarantined with a toddler for almost a month now (?) and the only adults I see are through a computer screen because Diego works eighteen-hour days seven days a week.) Making sure we get outside at least once a day - even if it's just to walk around the block - is obviously a part of our "STEER CLEAR OF PITS OF DESPAIR" routine. But something about wearing a mask while my tiny daughter doesn't feels weird, and I won't lie, it's one of the main reasons we usually don't venture much further than our block. 

Most of the time Diego brings home things like milk or eggs when we run out of them, and I started getting Hello Fresh meals delivered because it's impossible to get a slot with any of the regular grocery services right now. (That's actually been working out great because Zo ë only eats a fraction of whatever I make, so I usually squeeze dinner for the two of us plus lunch for me out of each meal. If you're also having a hard time sourcing groceries, look into the different meal kit delivery services. The expense might be worth it for your family; I know for me even though it's slightly more than I'd maybe pay for regular groceries, it's nice to know that I'm not wasting a bunch of produce because they give you exactly enough. Shh, now. I've forgotten what I was talking about. Let me go back up and see.) We have had to go into the actual grocery store a couple of times, and when we did I just popped a rain cover over the stroller and that seemed to work fine as a little safety bubble. 

One thing I do like about the mask is that it's a good way to tell for sure if you have stinky breath. 

I'm on my second glass of rose, and I just did a bunch of work so that I wouldn't be so stressed out tomorrow. (I still will be stressed out tomorrow but it's cute that I tried.) I don't know what I'm doing here. 

Last week I ordered quilting supplies (LOL WHAT WHY) and the only thing left to get delivered is the batting. The plan was to make blankets out of some tapestries I don't use anymore, and maybe try my hand at a little doll quilt with some of Joe's old stained baby clothes. Then last night I dusted off the Switch we got two years ago and never touched, and I downloaded Diablo III so. We'll see about that quilt. 

We don't always wear matching shirts, but when we do, they reference TV shows she doesn't understand.

Occasionally when my childless peers are discussing, say, Netflix series they've watched or something, I'll have a moment of, I don't know, envy? Because being told to stay home by myself is literally my life's dream. And I think of all the books I could read, all the shows I could watch, all the writing I'd do, etc, if I hadn't gone and given birth to the world's cutest little girl.

And then I remember I'm me, and that my actual activities would be right out of "The Phantom Tollbooth":

"At 8 o'clock we get up, and then we spend 

"From 8 to 9 daydreaming. 

"From 9 to 9:30 we take our early midmorning nap. 

"From 9:30 to 10:30 we dawdle and delay. 

"From 10:30 to 11:30 we take our late early morning nap. 

"From ll:00 to 12:00 we bide our time and then eat lunch. 

"From l:00 to 2:00 we linger and loiter. 

"From 2:00 to 2:30 we take our early afternoon nap. 

"From 2:30 to 3:30 we put off for tomorrow what we could have done today. 

"From 3:30 to 4:00 we take our early late afternoon nap. 

"From 4:00 to 5:00 we loaf and lounge until dinner. 

"From 6:00 to 7:00 we dillydally. 

"From 7:00 to 8:00 we take our early evening nap, and then for an hour before we go to bed at 9:00 we waste time."

And of all the not-quite-two-year-olds in all the lands, I could not be happier to be quarantined with this particular one. 

"How many boxes of wine have you gone through?"

Other things that help the days not suck:

• Putting on makeup (it's the ritual more than the result)
• Opening the curtains and making the bed
• Drinking enough water
• Weekly Zoom happy hours 
• Savoring this surprise alone time with my daughter
• Cat naps

Some days I pack six hours of work into Joe's two-hour nap, and on other days I need to use that time to lie down with the cat. 

~

All of the rooms we live inside of have stayed clean and more or less tidy, even though some days the amount of work involved in that really does feel unreasonable to expect of a person who just would like to please lie down on the floor for a while with her eyes closed.

We (me, I) usually stick to vinegar type solutions for cleaning toilets and stoves and things except when it seems absolutely necessary to use harsher chemicals, mainly because I like the smells better and it's all just easier on the nose and hands and various surfaces. Also vinegar is very cheap, if you didn't know. (Put some orange oil drops in, it's fine.)

The thing is that a pandemic is one of the times when it seems absolutely necessary to have some Clorox wipes and bleach around so I bought some, and I don't know what it is about the smell of bleach but it did something to me. This morning I went to mix a little solution in a spray bottle to keep at the top of the stairs where we come inside and then - I'm guessing this next part about my pupils, there weren't any mirrors around so I don't know what my face looked like - my pupils dilated and I grabbed the mop and bleached the holy heck out of the walls in the hallway (it's just walls around the staircase, is that a hallway?) until my arms got tired and I calmed down enough to be aware of my surroundings again and remembered I had a daughter I was supposed to be making breakfast for.

Anyway I can't reach most of the walls, since they are built around a staircase and I am not ten feet tall. So now I don't know what to do. How do people clean tall walls above staircases? I guess when the walls get dirty you just knock the house down and build a new one, probably. I'd better go speak to the landlords.

Also today I cleaned underneath the radiator in our bathroom and I just am really so pleased with myself.

a path to the rainbow's end

It's hard not to write just about single days. "Tomorrow is Friday, and today is Thursday," I said into my computer screen a few hours ago. "Yes," the faces there said back at me, using their fingers to make sure. "Yes, and yesterday was Wednesday." 

Today a journalist interviewed Diego about His Life As An Essential Worker. Then he went back to putting tape on the floor so that the nurses and doctors (because no one else is out) (because there are so many staying at neighborhood hotels) know how far apart to stand while they wait for their breakfasts. (We're shipping them in. I don't know how to talk about it so I'll just tell you about the tape on the floor.) (One foot in front of the other.) Meanwhile back at the farm, Joe and I taped cardboard tubes to the wall and dropped pom poms through them. We updated lists of purchase orders and strung some wooden beads and sent approximately fifteen hundred emails. We organized toys and smashed Play-Doh. We snuggled a lot. We had a Fleetwood Mac dance party. I cried more than a little to "Sara" which hopefully signals the start of my menses because I cannot fucking imagine being pregnant right now. 

I forgot to feed Papi Choo Choo this morning because his tiny little baby meow isn't nearly as abrasive as Griffon's. (Too sad, can't.) Don't worry, I eventually remembered. We're all doing our best. 

(Joe is super good at stringing beads. Please let me know if you'd like a necklace and I'll ask her if she has time to make you one.)

Yesterday I made vegan macaroni and cheese for lunch and we didn't turn the tv on until right before bath time. We took a walk around the block, said hello to all the neighborhood birds and watched a cement truck for a while. I finished all the reports I needed to finish for the job that pays me, and we had a photo shoot to capture our matching messy ponytails and how much fun it is to use chopsticks to eat corn on the cob.